The Almost Skipped Thanksgiving
We decided to skip Thanksgiving one year in the early eighties. It made sense at the time. All of or relatives had traveled out of town for the holidays, our kitchen was in the midst of a remodel and we didn’t think our four-year-old son would even notice.
Everything was going fine at first. We were making progress on the kitchen project and our son was happily playing in the front yard. Then, he was joined by the neighborhood kids.
Before long, he was standing in front of us, his eyes welling up with tears. “Where’s our Thanksgiving?” he asked. We never skipped Thanksgiving again.
The Turkey Strikes Back
My brother’s sister-in-law was preparing Thanksgiving dinner and left our 16-pound turkey defrosting on the counter top. Her family, who’d always been fond of dogs, had a small wiener dog named Daisy. Unfortunately, Daisy went into the kitchen at the wrong time—just as the defrosting turkey slid off the counter top and fell onto Daisy, resulting in Daisy’s death. It was a sad Thanksgiving for the relatives.
*This story was originally published on womansday.com. Check out their complete humorous list of Thanksgiving fails.
The Guilty Conscience
One Thanksgiving, our Giant Schnauzer Duchess got ahold of the turkey when no one was around. When mom returned, she pulled Duchess off of the bird only to be faced with a moral dilemma; she felt Thanksgiving would not be the same without the turkey but she also didn’t want to feed her family a turkey that had been partially devoured by our dog.
Her desire to have a turkey at dinner won. Mom cut away the portion that dog had eaten, thoroughly rinsed the bird and then served it up for dinner without a second thought.
The meal was going well and people were enjoying the food. However, at some point during the meal, mom’s conscience got the better of her. She told us what happened. Several family members lost their appetites. Others, mainly the boys, after hearing the turkey had been well rinsed and the eaten parts cut away, continued to enjoy the meal.
At our 1977 Thanksgiving dinner, we had four generations of family seated around the table. Grandma Grace was teasing overweight grandpa Lee about his weight. “Better hold off on the potatoes Lee,” she said. “You’re gonna lose your boyish figure.” Grandpa Lee stood up in front of everyone and struck an Atlas muscles pose while sucking in his gut to flatten out his stomach.
What grandpa Lee had forgotten that we would never forget, was he did not put on his suspenders that morning. With nothing to hold his baggy pants up, down they went dragging his boxer shorts with them to the floor. And so, there stood grandpa Lee naked from the waist down in a body-builder’s pose with his wife, children, grand children and their children looking on.
*This story was originally published on huffingtonpost.com. Check out their complete humorous list of Thanksgiving fails.
Cayenne Pepper Pie Anyone?
I once accidentally put cayenne pepper instead of cinnamon in a pumpkin pie I made for a family friend. Before I gave it to her, I realized what I had done. I gave it to her anyway…it is the thought that counts.
The Frozen Turkey Hunt
A Colorado woman calling about how to thaw her Butterball turkey proudly shared the fact that she had stored the turkey in a snow bank outside. The night before it had snowed. During our conversation, she realized she didn’t remember in which snow bank she left the turkey. That ended our conversation and started a turkey hunt for the already dead and frozen turkey.
*This story was originally published on the Readers Digest website. Check out their complete humorous list of Thanksgiving fails.
Meeting the Family
My brother brought his girlfriend home for thanksgiving to meet the family. While we were sitting down and eating, his girl friend was telling them about her family and she mentioned the fact that she didn’t know who her father was. When our younger brother that was still learning some social manners heard that, he said, “So you’re a bastard?”
That girlfriend didn’t participate in the next year’s Thanksgiving or any Thanksgiving after that. I am sure my brother thought twice before inviting another girl home for Thanksgiving.