Aquarius: In your attempts to find “The One,” you should know you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places. There are better places to find a date than the post office.

Pisces: You’ll be moderately inconvenienced this week. You’ll be forced to wait for an actual human to pick up the phone because the app won’t allow you to do the thing you need to do.

Aries: You’ll be transported to new and exciting places this week. No, you’re not going anywhere, but you’ll fall in love with that new Mediterranean spice mix you bought.

Taurus: Though people say you should grab life by the horns, you’d do well to ignore that philosophy this week. Life is a wily beast and is ready to throw you into the stands with what it has in store for you. This week in particular, be sure to approach life like any dangerous animal and admire it from at least three bus lengths away.

Gemini: Taking a chance on that weird text message from an unknown number may lead to a pleasant surprise this week. The person sending you the message isn’t a foreign scammer, but someone who legitimately mistyped their friend’s phone number. A lifelong friendship with someone in Sisters, Oregon may result from their mistake.

Cancer: There’s carb loading and there’s whatever that viral meal you saw on TikTok is called you’re planning to make for dinner Friday evening. While the family will be well fed, the meal will result in a pile of leftovers that will last through the weekend and leave everyone in a near comatose state well into Saturday afternoon. Proceed at your family’s peril.

Leo: Encouraging your child’s love of cheering high school sports will help develop a talent that could carry them into a college scholarship. Being selective with what you introduce them to is important, as you’ll be met with confused looks if you show them the Texas A&M Yell Leaders. Unless you’re pulling for your kid to become an Aggie that is.

Virgo: With the Rock Springs City Council set to hear the second reading of its chicken ordinances, now might be the time to actually do the math to see if it’s economically viable to raise chickens at your house. Considering your son’s love of scrambled eggs and the current cost of building materials, feed, and of course chickens, you’d be saving about $1,500 a year than buying eggs at the store.

Libra: A windfall will come to you from an unexpected source. Home renovation work is always a drag, but that old home may have some secrets hiding in the walls that translate to an appearance on “Antiques Roadshow.”

Scorpio: You’ll be confronted with an awful truth this week. Your daughter’s awkward glances and increased attachment to her phone can only mean one thing: the classmate she always talks about is her secret boyfriend.

Sagittarius: A short escape from your responsibilities may provide the reboot you need to recharge and focus on what really matters. However, you will quickly be forced to come to terms with the fact that everything breaks down in your absence, leading to frantic calls and texts from coworkers. On second thought, you’ll relax more if you don’t use your PTO.

Capricorn: Taking your dog out for an extra walk or four this week will battle that slowly widening figure he’s developing. He’s developed quite a taste for the kids’ beef jerky while you’re not looking.